In 2008, I made myself a promise to create something every day for 100 days and post it online. I posted art, poetry, stories and dreams. It was my 100 day blog.
I was really new to the internet. Back then there was a platform called LiveJournal and I posted something every single day except when I couldn’t –and then I would start over at Day one. Eventually my hundred day blog became about 200 days of posting art and writing and poetry.
I got a lot done. I made friends with a whole lot of like minded souls, and we shared our personal journeys and our writing and our paintings.
It was good for me. I think it might have saved my life.
I was trying to get myself out of a major depressive episode that had lasted for several years.
I was totally stuck, frozen, fearful and unable to even leave my house a lot of the time. I was in hiding. From myself. That is what Depression is sometimes.
I put up a brave front and fulfilled my various obligations and responsibilities. I mean I bathed regularly– but I was trapped in an almost constant cycle of fear and shame and a lot of OCD house cleaning was involved.
My healing came from painting and drawing and keeping journals– and putting it all on the internet. I ended up up making art friends all over the world. It was a bit of a miracle to be honest.
I think it saved my life.
This led me to not only finish writing a play but also perform in the Fringe Festival in 2011, as a solo show-despite unbelievable -heart-stopping- stage-fright.
So now it’s ten years later and I realize that getting myself out of the prison of my depression and staying out — was the goal of the past decade– and I realize that for the past ten years I have consistently found ways to step way outside my comfort zone , face my towering fears, come out the darkness and be seen in the light. Literally.
In November I was in New York where a show I was privileged to direct starring the wonderful BeverleyElliott, won Best Musical in The United Solo Festival. How great is that? If you only knew how ten years ago this would have been impossible to imagine.
Now I don’t even know if blogging is still a thing. With Instagram and Twitter and other social media platforms, people document their every thought and meal and opinion and so with everybody expressing themselves that way I am not sure the slow process of an online journal is very popular. Never the less I continue to come here every once in a while and share something I have been thinking about.
So here’s to art and creativity and the willingness to face self-doubt and fear. Heres to a willingness to be seen.