I am re-posting this entry from a few years ago when I was afraid but ready to go forward inspire of my fear. I was about to travel to the Gabriola Theatre Festival to perform my solo show and I was struggling with debilitating stage fright and anxiety.
“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur
when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.
For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort,
that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for
different ways or truer answers.”
“I need to step out of my rut.
I need to search for different ways
and truer answers.
I need to be fearless,
My old arch enemy- tStage Fright has reared it’s ugly head and is taunting me and leaping out at me when I least expect it. My mission is to transform my Fear into Courage and vanquish my enemy for another day. I accept the Mission. My method Love. My super power. Gratitude.These are the magical alchemical tools that will turn the base metal of negative emotion into golden light and give me the super power I need. I will fly, soar, and float through the sky powered by the golden light of love even though I am terrified.
Please forgive this flowery language.
I remind myself how much I really want and need to do my play.
I remind myself how grateful I am to have the opportunity.
I created my script with love and really hard work and commitment
and passion. I remind myself of the diligent writing process-
and my willingness to keep going when it seemed as if
I couldn’t bring all the elements together and I wanted to quit.
I am grateful to the audience who have bought all the tickets.
I am grateful to the festival that invited me to perform.
I am grateful for the opportunities I have to make art and share it.
I am grateful to special friends that generously supported me.
RAHEL B. EMMA H., WEAVER MEL. MARY K. BARBARA P.
I am grateful for my cohorts Loretta and Susinn in Wet Ink Collective.
I am grateful to Connie H. and all the painters and art-makers in my painting tribe.
that have sent me words of encouragement because they know exactly how I feel.
I am grateful to the Divine Creative Source and all the beauty in the
world that has possessed my soul and urged me to try to
express and celebrate it in art.
I am grateful for the healing power of art.
I am grateful for everything good and bad
because even the bad is part of it all.
I am even grateful to my Stage Fright
which I realize has been just trying to protect me.
I can thank her for her love and let her know
I am ok now with out her. I am pretty darn good
at this performing thing. I am I really am.
If she shows up in my dressing room on Saturday night
She better be carrying a bouquet of flowers.