It all started with a 100 Day blog.

In 2008, I made myself a promise to create something every day for 100 days and post it online. I posted art, poetry, stories and dreams.  It was my 100 day blog.

I was really new to the internet. Back then there was a platform called LiveJournal and I posted something every single day except when I couldn’t –and then I would start over at Day one. Eventually my hundred day blog became about 200 days of  posting art and writing and poetry. I got a lot done. I  made friends with a whole lot of like minded souls, and we shared our  personal journeys and our writing and our paintings.

It was good for me. I think it might have saved my life.

I was trying to get myself out of a major depressive episode that had lasted for several years. I was totally stuck, frozen and fearful and unable to even leave my house a lot of the time.  I was in hiding. From myself.  That is what Depression is sometimes.

I put up a brave front and fulfilled my various obligations and responsibilities. I mean I bathed regularly– but I was trapped in an almost constant cycle of fear and shame and a lot of  OCD house cleaning was involved.

My healing came from painting and drawing and keeping journals– and writing a play– and putting it all on the internet. I was  making friends in various artist circles online– and showing them what I was doing. They were doing the same.

I ended up  up making art friends all over the world. It was a bit of a miracle to be honest. I think it saved my life.

This led me to not only  finish writing the play I mentioned, but actually perform that play  in the Fringe Festival in 2011,  as a solo show-despite unbelievable -heart-stopping-  stage-fright.

Sally LIve Here2

So now it’s ten years later and I realize that getting myself  out of my depression and my art out in the world was the goal of the past decade– and I realize today that I have fulfilled that goal.

For the past ten years I have consistently found ways to step way outside my comfort zone , face my fears and be seen in the light.

And I have a lot of fears to face– and shame and anxiety and feeling less then and not good enough but still I persist.

I made a lot of new friends in the world of theatre in Vancouver and we formed a writer’s group and that has been another step forward.

There have been times were I dropped into my default shame-based behaviour but  I was dedicated and determined to get past all that.

This year I plan to go further.  I have to. I don’t have time to waste on waiting.

I just came back from a trip to New York where a show I directed was in a festival and won Best Musical.  How great is that? If you only knew how ten years ago this would have been impossible.

Now I don’t even know if blogging is still a thing. With Instagram and Twitter and other social media platforms, people document their every thought and meal and opinion and so with everybody expressing themselves that way I am not sure the slow process of an online journal is very popular. Never the less I continue to come here every once in a while and share something I have been thinking about.

Danielle La Porte says “Everything is progress” I believe her. Looking back on the past decade and getting ready for the new year I realize  all the progress I have made even with all the ups and downs and false starts and disappointments and mini-depressions.

I have been on my path and I am getting somewhere,

So even if blogging is not really a thing , maybe someone will find this post and feel something kindred.  Maybe I will prompt a sharing of something- a connection.  Some inspiration. Some hope. Maybe someone might be inspired to check in and evaluate their own progress and realize that they have made lots.

2019 is coming soon and I am choosing a word for the year VISIBILITY–

and I have a tag on that word.. . to shed my cloak of invisibility and be seen regardless of how I am received.

Oh by the way here is the painting I posted on the first day of my 100 day blog

 

westerly winds

5 comments

  1. Lynna I can’t remember exactly how we met online – maybe through one of Connie’s art classes? But I am so glad we have, you always inspire me with your creativity! You seem fearless in putting yourself and your art out there. But sounds like you’ve learned to do it despite the fear. Congrats on the award for your play!! Woo hoo!! And thank you for inspiring me to take a look at my own life the past ten years or so, to see how far I’ve come. Hugs and love!

    Like

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