“Face your life, its pain, its pleasure, leave no path untaken.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book
This year 2013
has been demanding–
stamping it’s foot–
at the top of it’s lungs–
that I should face my life
and not look away–
not even for a moment.
I have faced my pain–
I’ve stared it down-
and looked directly
in the eye of many harsh truths.
And I’ve struggled with all my might,
mostly against my own self torment.
I have felt waves of grief
and self pity-
I have ridden the panic
train without a seat belt
and ended up derailed
and almost destroyed.
I have spent a lot of time this year
alone, stuck, frozen,
and sick with despair
and self loathing.
Unable to write or paint or relax.
And here is what I have learned.
1. Not to fear my fear.
2. Not to feel bad about feeling bad.
3. Not to be ashamed of my shame.
4. And I have everything I need.
And on this last day of the year
when people are celebrating
I am going to take a moment
to speak to those who are not.
If it has been a tough year for you–
and you think you have nothing to celebrate–
let me send you a message of hope.
You are brave and amazing and resilient and strong-
even if you don’t feel that way right now.
Even in the depths of your despair.
And if you are on the edge of a cliff
or some other steep and lonely place,
If you are looking into the abyss
of your own lonely heart,
let me tell you that I know
what that is like.
Be kind to yourself.
Be loving with yourself.
Let yourself feel
whatever you feel.
And if you have a hole
that you can not fill-
and you are angry
if you have a wound
that has never healed–
a mark that will not go away–
remember you are absolutely beautiful,
and your torn and tattered heart,
only makes you more so.
I like to think of the Japanese
idea of Wabi-sabi-
and the beauty of things
imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete.
Happy Wabi Sabi New Year to you my kindred family.
I love you.
I have hope for you
even if you don’t right now.
I got this one.
You are going to feel happy and stardust shiny again.